It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable to write this, but I feel it's time to speak up about this topic in aid to help others.
Narcissistic personality disorder often goes untested... Because how do you get someone who is outwardly showing the world that they are amazing, to see a doctor? "There's nothing wrong with me, you are the crazy one," is often one of their best lines. Self awareness does not exist within this disorder. This is why there are so many people with NPD out there, and many victims silently feeling the brunt of their condition.
Narcissistic abuse is abuse. It's literally one of the worst types of abuse, as visually to the world, there is nothing wrong... that's the hardest part. The victim is left questioning their self worth, feeling like they are not good enough and questioning themselves because, 'if someone is treating me this way, heck it must be my fault right?' The ongoing effects for victims of this type of abuse can be catastrophic. I would put money on suicide victims falling at the sword of many narcissists and to the grave they'd still no feel remorse because they didn't tie the noose.
Narcissists are calculated predators who relish in stamping out light. They can not have normal relationships with people. They should not have children, as they are not capable of showing love for anyone other than themselves, and the child may not recover. Because they can't feel or show love, no one else deserves happiness either.
Narcissistic abuse often goes undetected for years, as the victim is someone who will usually be able to see things coming a mile away. Strong, confident people. Narcissists are drawn to people who love life and can see the best in people. This is a hard pill to swallow, and is where the confusion sets in for the victim. How could I not have seen this coming? I've lived with this person for years? They are supposed to love me? Everyone else thinks they are amazing so they must be? What did I do wrong? You can't reason with a Narcissist. I repeat: YOU CAN'T REASON WITH A NARCISSIST.
It's a subtle abuse that eats away on someones good will, and creates serious confusion to the person who is in the path of a narcissist. The person going through this, at the time is often completely unaware this mental trickery is even happening. But slowly over time they start to question how someone who is meant to love them can be so cruel and hurtful with no accountability and even question (as good people do) what could I have done to deserve this.
The narcissist walks away as if there is no problem with their behaviour, they are incredible actors and they play the victim role everytime so incredibly well! It is extremely hard to get away from a Narcissist so please don't beat yourself up about it.
They suck the light out of the good in the world because it's impossible for them to change. They attract people who see good in everyone, and that's how they feel they are winning. They feel best when they are bringing someone down.
NPD can effect anyone with any background, any age, sex, race. They don't look unhappy. They don't show the world their bad sides, (which is every side...) they save that for their victims. Quietly, calculated and unapologetically.
Here are a list of common traits of a person with NPD:
-Narcissists do not change: NPD is more than emotional abuse.
-Nothing will ever be their fault.
-Blame their lack of success on others.
-Acts differently in public than in private.
-Arrogant, acts superior.
-Believes their own lies, and will lie to your face.
-Can't show love.
-Provoke people, then blame them.
-Never admit their mistakes.
-No healthy communication.
-Likes to yell.
-Don't keep friends- always having falling outs/misunderstandings.
-Their children or family don't want anything to do with them.
-Inept at basic manners.
-Unrealistic expectations on others.
-Never takes responsibility or the blame.
If you are in a relationship with a person with NPD, you must get away from them. These people are not able to have a balanced loving relationship with you because they can only love themselves. If you have a family member who has NPD, keep strong boundaries in place, keep them at arms length and understand the more power you give them, the more they have access to your power. They will drain you.
Also don't feel guilty if you can't keep them in your life. If they cross those boundaries (which they will, then make you out to be the bad guy,) distancing yourself is the only real option. It is not your fault that this decision has been put upon you. You are a good person, please remember that! If someone doesn't want the best for you, you don't need to allow that person in, or back in if they keep knocking at your door.
You are the victim, not them.
If you are a victim of NPD, or are in a relationship with someone with NPD and need help to move on, please do reach out for a session. I can help.