The social DILEMMA

Hi beautiful people, 


Here are my thoughts for the day...  I'm not 100% sure where this ones going, but here goes. Blog 2:

So a friend had told me (at an actual dinner date where we ate food and talked like normies) about 'The social dilemma' on Netflix. 

Although I had a rough idea of what social media was like, having platforms for work and personal use, some things certainly blew my mind... I didn't realise quite how intensely i'd been sucked into this unhealthy way of life until I looked back on how life use to be.
Don't get me wrong, I'm writing this on a computer, and technology as a tool is pretty epic, but I do have a few thoughts brewing from what i've just seen, and I plan to make some changes to start weaning myself off social media. 

If you haven't watched it yet, it's definitely worth a watch.

To be fair, over the last few years I have deleted a lot of things off facebook, unfollowed pages, people and things that I didn't want to engage with. I was aware of the way social media was making me feel, and I didn't like it. I now use messenger more to call and connect with friends than scroll mindlessly. I use pinterest for recipes, design and renovation work, inspiration for my clients for @missdomstyling, inspirational quotes for #Lifedesignernz and to make me feel inspired. I post briefly on instagram rather than scroll through and see everything and engage like I used to. I've also limited my tv time to programmes I really want to watch rather than episode after episode of Netflix, and I don't spend very long on emails these days. I have cut right back.

....I sound like an addict justifying only having a sip... but I have made the best of a bad situation, knowing social media is in our lives!

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My job in the beauty industry has always been to create flawless makeup and beautiful hair for my models and clients that looks epic on camera and in person. I love my job and
respect my skills as an artist. It has always been the photographers job to take amazing photos with correct lighting, and editing only to take away the odd stray hair that showed up, or the odd wrinkle in an item of clothing. In the past, I wouldn't have been doing my job if my models needed editing, and the photographer wouldn't be doing their job if the photo was completely photoshopped to the point of changing the skin tone, eye shape, bust size or whatever on the model... it would have been super confusing as a casting agent and false advertising when a client books a model and realised she wasn't the person in the photos! Yet... here we are. 

Speed ahead a few years... and the industry has changed. It has changed in a way that we are questioning the worth of people, their qualifications and knowledge because we have been tricked into thinking a photo is truth. Then questioning our own lifes, and creating a fantasy world to impress friends, family and people we've never met before! It's all a bit odd isn't it?

Everyone now can take a photo within a second, and anyone of any age can edit their own faces to beyond recognition. What use to be an amazing achievement in someones life like having a child, graduating or getting married, these are all quick swipes given the same attention as someones filtered selfie. How did we get here and not realise it?

After gaining my Life coaching qualification, I realised how I spoke to myself. I am more self aware and call myself out on my emotions on a daily basis, and work through them to find solutions. I realised how I was feeling the other day, attempting to take a photo of myself. I realised I'd taken 5-6 photos and was feeling like nothing was good enough, like I wasn't good enough to show the world this photo as a reflection of my true self. It wasn't that dramatic, but I noticed how average I felt about myself... a friend in the industry says she takes 70+ photos before posting one, which kind of blew my mind! I don't even think we took half that amount for a paid magazine cover! 

So... I decided the next day to wear less makeup. We used to just take photos of ourselves literally living our best lives from a fuji camera or 1 shot polaroid when I was growing up, because we were actually living! Not taking narcissistic selfies to impress people who don't know the real us, then measuring our worth against it. My younger self would be so perplexed by this day and age... and I'm super concerned at the kidlets coming through have nothing to measure this way of life against.. the suicide rate stats on 'The social dilemma' for teen girls should have shocked me, but with social media manipulating my shock meter over the years... all I can think is 'these kids don't have a shit show,' especially with parents who are just as disillusioned by social media. Being a teen was hard enough without all this added stress and social bullying. 

So after watching 'The social dilemma,' I decided to wear a lot less makeup. I always go quite natural anyway, and makeup is something I get paid to do well, but it was getting to the point where I felt I couldn't see my natural skin anymore. My ethos in business has always been 'look good feel good,' and I didn't feel either. My mission statement to my clients is 'I enhance natural beauty, not cover it up.' So I decided to get back to feeling like 'me.' Less makeup, natural non straightened hair, and I finally today when I went out, I felt the best i'd felt in a long time. I could 'see' me.

I went up the coast today and left my phone at home. I noticed the amount of times i'd think about getting it out of my bag to 'check it' and it wasn't there... so eventually forgot about it and enjoyed the day. No photos of my lunch either! And when I got home, I checked my phone for 15 minutes, put it on silent and haven't touched it since. 

I realised the dopamine feeling of getting a message or feeling happy from a 'like' was pretty superficial, and I am not that person. I am growing consistently, and as a coach, woman, business owner and person I am prepared to be the person I want to be, and not feel like a slave to social media. I am using this movie as a catalyst to change and connect more to create good experiences. 

I hope this rant has resonated with some of you, and maybe next time you meet a friend for dinner, you can have a conversation without bringing your phone as a 3rd party.. or aim to check your phone 3 times a day instead of on and off for 3 hours. 
Whatever works for you... but lets not be an anti social slave to the social.. 
 

Dom Whittaker
www.lifedesignernz.com


 

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