People are complex beings... and this is life.
Understanding that people don't, can't and won't ever see through your eyes is a profound notion to connecting with others and communicating effectively. We have 5 senses yet these days rely on our words more often than not to communicate.
Trouble often brews when we can't understand why someone would act in a certain way, because that's not how we would act in that situation. We then take offence to this behaviour, not considering the reasoning behind this reaction has nothing to do with us. Often the person acting a certain way doesn't understand why the nerve has been hit, and reacts rather than questions his own triggers.
Knowing that peoples behaviour and what we see is just the 'tip of the iceberg,' we can then come from a place of compassion rather than on the defence to a reaction. Trying to understand each other better would be more beneficial to any relationship, than calling someone crazy, or stupid because their behaviour doesn't make sense to 'you'.
Words are often misconstrued. Each persons measure or understanding of a particular word will be comprised from their own personal experience and relation to a word.
'Hot' or 'cold' for example means something different to everyone, especially if someone had literally been burned, they may associate the word 'hot' with fear, anxiety or pain. 'Love' and most words can do the same, because everyone's measure is uniquely taken from their personal experience. Yet we go around using words without considering their effect. Coaching has really changed the way I speak, not only to others but also to myself. If your thoughts can change your behaviour... then I can make changes to the way I react by changing my way of thinking.
Each persons measure of what a word means can differ, so in a conversation where you are confused if someone is on the same page, just ask! So... 'Just to clarify, what does that word mean to you?.' I can guarantee the answer will surprise you, and you may have a profound revelation to unblock future issues moving forward. Finding out what a certain 'word' means to another person is a good place to start.
People often don't ask these sorts of questions, but since I've become a Life Coach, I've been like a kid again asking questions to question everything and find out the answers. From there I have been building better connections, and having more meaningful conversations other than 'how are you? or 'isn't the weather nice?,' which doesn't negate deep insight or allow someone to really get to know you.
One of the first things I learned as a Life Coach which I nerd out over is
'The Iceberg Theory.' The Sigmund Freud Theory goes deeper than the picture above, with the top level as behaviour being your 'conscious mind', just under the surface is the 'subconscious mind' and all of the stuff simmering away under the surface waiting to be brought up with an argument or disagreement when someone pokes the bear is the 'unconscious mind.' This is the part people don't see or don't even know about our selves.
I like the simplistic version because I can draw this on a serviette anywhere if I'm out and about!
So my thoughts on this are; If you realise that what we see when we have a conversation with anyone, is only 10% of someones true self through their behaviour, we should cut them some slack because we actually can't see what we think we are entitled to have an opinion on. There is a lot of festering stuff under the surface which is dictating that reaction. Sometimes we don't even know why we react in certain ways to things. These could have stemmed from subconsciously taking in information from social media, childhood traumas, things we've seen but buried deep etc.
So question everything and just know that everyone is different, and what we see isn't always true. It's our truth, which may not align with someone else's truth. If someone is going off their nut, come at them with compassion. Asking questions to find answers, rather than reacting to the 10% that isn't the full truth.
A good place to start to find out about your own 90%, triggers, values, beliefs, thoughts and things we didn't know we lived by that no longer serve us... and what makes us tick.
I use hypnosis, subliminal messages and meditation to clear the mind and focus. I write down my thoughts. If something is upsetting me, I question my own thoughts and coach myself to find a solution. I question everything about why I am thinking what I'm thinking. Because first comes awareness, then comes change. And you can't change what you don't acknowledge.
If you are having reoccurring arguments in relationships, asking the person 'what does this word mean to you?' and really listening, instead of matching their energy or behaviour will deepen your connection and open things up to better communication.
If you would like some movement in your life, with reoccurring behavioural patterns, please do get in touch. That's what I'm here for!